What about the Boat-times?

I've had just about the best week a man on earth could possibly hope for. I've laughed my ass off, screamed, danced a little, worked, learned, skipped class, went to some class, traveled, drove a Sea-Doo, acquired new music, met new people, saw my sister, hung out with good friends like Nathan Pauley, I could go on. This is what has made me a believer again in the fact that joy has nothing to do with your circumstances (I’ve been talking about this). This is because; I've had some really low moments this week. I’m not going to get heavy into them. They just have to do with facing my flesh and seeing insecurity come back into areas where I thought it was gone forever. God is taking care of that though, let’s get back to my amazing week:

I caught up with an old girlfriend I had back freshman/sophomore year this past week and it just rocked my world (shout-out to E.G.). And I don't mean it that way... I just love learning from mistakes and moving forward, it’s the most gratifying thing to me. I spent an hour and seven minutes on the phone with her. I think what made it so good is that I was able to think through my attitude in our relationship and see from the outside looking in, what really robbed us of fun and good times back then. Understand, she and I are not right for each other; this is about looking forward, not pointless regrets. Being freed from a twisted attitude just took identifying it and giving it up. Freedom reigns from that old crusty way of thinking, and it feels good.

Semi-related: I’ve faced and conquered some pretty evil thoughts about the more recent past as well. I can be pretty hard on myself. Especially about mistakes that have hurt others. Since I’m a self-centered prideful ass, I tend to also get very worried about how things look to others. I hate that about myself. I fight it, and most of the time successfully. But… If I’m not thinking straight, I can let what others think affect me. The fact is this: I did have to break off an engagement, but that does not reflect the kind of person I am. When I’m weak, I slip into thinking about how bad that looks. I feel like I have to explain the situation to everyone, so that they will understand. This is inexcusable. Now if someone wants to know, I love explaining how I’ve learned from it and the amazing things God has done through it, sure. But, allow me to be raw with you… If you put some kind of judgment on the kind of person I am because I’ve been through that situation, fuck you. Whew, that feels good.

This has just been one of those weeks that, at its conclusion, I have to pause and thank God. Thanks for what You’ve taught me, and thanks for the good times.