Update

I've noticed that many of my friends often write "update blogs" when they don't have anything better to write. Granted, they probably don't write theirs at 2:41 in the morning, but I thought I'd give it a go.
I guess if this was an update blog about my life it would include these recent events:

1. I've recently decided that my dream of designing and building a supersonic rocket is plausible and I will commence as soon as I can afford it(which is not too far away I hope). I'm actually pretty serious about it. I've spent most of my night using aerodynamic drag equations for a rocket about Dan Cater in height and seven inches in width(I figured that would be most probably in dice, so?...) along with the barometric formula to compensate for the likely conditions on a possible local launch date. When speeds near supersonic, the shit really starts to hit the fan by the way...(aerodynamically speaking of course)

2. I'm looking for a reasonable car for my sister lately. She's gotten in over her head with a lease deal on a Beamer. Any suggestions, throw them my way.

3. I recently had a dream in which a floating outdoor propane heater told all my friends about Daniel and I robbing Auburn Bank the week prior(which you may know as Bodega in the modern era). It was one like you see on decks of restaurants keeping the patrons warm and comfortable with the black china hat looking top. My friends and I were chillin in an above ground swimming pool when it approached and started to use projected images to give more and more clues until ultimately all of my friends would find out that Daniel and I indeed did rob the lady at Auburn Bank at gunpoint(which I had forgotten we had done in a previous dream).

4. I'm totally and completely out of money for the year. Credit card debt here we come! I wonder if it will be as fun as college loan debt, auto loan debt, or even an ongoing, unnecessary diamond debt?! oooo boy!

Middle Ground

We often find ourselves at a critical point in which things in life could go extremely well for us or fail miserably. Most of the time, its simply a reflection of how we overly dramatize things that are happening in our own lives.
Today I find myself at one of these critical junctures. I've been on course to make straight A's this semester, my second in Mechanical Engineering. My test average in Chemistry: 100, I'm really figuring things out in Calculus II and made a 95 on the last test, and things seem to just be getting easier in there. But of all things for Lee Kelley to be struggling in... Physics. Its difficult for me to even admit, because I LOVE Physics. This is not news to anyone. I got the highest grade in my 300ish person class on Test I and I was just rollin proud with my 105... The teacher assured me as long as I got a 90% average on all his tests, it would be A time for me. I understand the concepts to the point where I'm usually even helping others. No lie, I love it.
But all at once, it has hit me. Last test I was forced to turn in my test half blank from making damn sure what I had done was correct. It was a fluke of course, I'll just remember the clock and make sure to make quick order of this test... But friend's it has happened again. I'll spare you my angry ramblings about what was on Simon's test today, but basically, there was a lot of blank space when he gave the last call...
So here I am having 100% forsaking the other points accounting for over 50% of our grade in the class the entire semester knowing that my "for sure" test grades would provide the A and I'm now looking down the barrel of a very possible FAILURE!
On one side we have a very likely and much needed scholarship scenario with close to a 4.0 going into all my Mech. classes next semester, or the dropping of my entire schedule to fulfill the required pre-req of PHYSICS, thus leaving me behind a full semester's tuition and time! Flying colors-success or mega-failure, there never seems to be any middle ground with me.

Today, We Make History.

"Tonight, we gather to affirm the greatness of our nation - not because of the height of our skyscrapers, or the power of our military, or the size of our economy. Our pride is based on a very simple premise, summed up in a declaration made over two hundred years ago."
- Barack Hussein Obama


I'm gonna need all my neighbors here in the heart of the bloodiest red bubble imaginable to put on your "big picture" glasses for a moment and really allow yourself to take in what's happening today. Your candidate for president will lose, but things are gonna be OK. I think we'd all be a little better off if we could see from outside the haze of false fear many politicians have created here. After all, for some reason, 80% of the rest of the world has voiced support of Barack Obama over John McCain?

Two years ago, a random black guy stood on the steps of his capital building with a small crowd of his townspeople in the frigid cold of Springfield, IL and announced that he was going to run for President. Tonight, that son of a biracial, poor, immigrant couple will become the most powerful man in the world.

While his come from behind story is inspiring, if you think that today is about him, you've failed to realize the scope of what's happening. While he may have become the poster boy for this "Change" he is only one man amongst a global movement that, God-willing, will move this country forward to becoming an even brighter beacon of Hope and opportunity. I have only really paid attention to a few presidential elections in my life and even I can see the dramatic changes that have already taken place. Mark my word, things will never be the same in US politics. We're seeing that finally a large portion of the population refuses to listen to empty attacks on a man's character. In fact, we've seen them actually hurt the candidate that promotes them for once. Politicians can no longer assume the ignorance of the voters and actually have to prove their cases with more than just buzz words and sleezy insinuations about their opponent. I know that a lot of you will say that, "every one always says that every election is the most important in history, blah blah blah..." But, this one very well may be. Our country is no longer the lone superpower in any sense of the words, and we have come to a point where we need to make some strategic changes. It is imperative that we be extremely intelligent about what we do from here.
I have HOPE.


Let us realize the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.
- Martin Luther King Jr.

Hide and Seek

Freshman and Sophomore year of my first college experience meant many great things. One of the things that it meant at times was hide and seek at the Oasis(my condo). We wouldn't just turn off the lights, I bought thick black plastic that we would cover the windows with. We even used duct tape to seal it around the edges. We would require that it was PITCH black darkness. I even taped over the little red light on the smoke detector and turned off all digital displays of any kind. You couldn't see your hands in front of your face. Which, by the way is a really trippy thing that you don't actually experience as often as you think...
Anyways, the point of my story is this, it would be really hard to find someone even if they were sitting right in front of you(kinda freaky). But, every time someone hid, you always found them in five minutes or so. There's only so many places to hide in a small college condo. Until one amazing night... I hid and no one ever found me! Eventually I had to climb down from the cramped area between the ceiling and the fridge. Below is a picture of what I looked like hiding on top the fridge.














(It was dark)

Glock

Class is done for the fall and I somehow got through all my finals and lived to tell about it. I feel like my life is about huge obstacles that seem impossible and then seeing myself on the other side. And as a little reward/birthday present I recently made a purchase that I can't really afford.
It's a Glock model 22 which is the full-size .40 Caliber version. Why? you ask... I couldn't tell you. I've never been a big fan of guns(well, I mean all guys think that certain guns are badass...) or owning them or having them in your home, but something in my heart changed when I went to a firing range about a month or so ago with my lady-friend, Dana. We had the best time and I can't even describe it. There's just something about having a wildly powerful, yet controlled explosion go off in your hands. Whew. Let's face it, this since of strength and power that comes from firing a gun is intoxicating.
I've been driven to become an amazing marksman with a handgun. I'm pretty sure it's the challenge. I love a good challenge. When it comes to firearms, there's nothing harder than shooting a big handgun. Have you ever shot a handgun? The thing goes off with such power, it will kick your ass. All the while, you're trying to aim the projectile coming from it at a specific spot. It takes practice. Especially with a powerful one that will recoil with a lot of force.
If you're interested in finding out what it feels like, give me a call and you can come next time Dana and I go shoot(which will be often).


Nobody tell my mother...

Apologies

Here's the deal: You think I haven't posted in a while, because I don't love you. This is incorrect. In fact, I've really gotten into the blogging thing. Not that I'm an awesome blogger, but I do enjoy it. The truth is that Mechanical Engineering this summer has required a little more than Lowder University(The Business School) did. Amphetamines being one of the most important things. In the next available 48 hours I will take an Engineering Calculus quiz, a MatLab(computer programming) Final Exam, a two-hour Lab Exam, a Calculus Final Exam, write a computer program, pay a speeding ticket, sort of plan a bachelor's party, an Introduction to Mechanical Engineering Final Exam, I just finished painting a house today(gotta pay for college as well as attend it these days...), and I've gotta figure out something to feed these new baby snakes! So, naturally when I have too many things to do in the time I have to do them I wash my car or write a blog. Sometimes both? I say all this to say... I still love you.

Sammy's Been Busy...

So, I've kept a few lizards in a terrarium for a few months now. They're pretty fun. They scurry about in their tank, they eat crickets or mealworms, they make love, and they make it often. So clearly, they've been enjoyable pets(with the exception of "Charlie," a girl lizard that was never fun, that I let go long ago).
About a couple of months ago, I came across a slightly injured brown snake in the woods near my condo, so naturally I threw him in the mix too. Just last night, much like the night before when I decided to paint my bathroom, I decided they should all go back to the wild yonder. So, I caught the lizards first, Freddy and Danielle, and put them outside and watched them gleefully scamper off. And then it came to Sammy the snake... I move a rock to get a good handle on him to lift him to freedom when I saw them... Babies. Snake babies are all over the place! Turns out "Sammy" is really "Samantha" and she apparently got injured in some kinky reproductive kind of way. Who am I to judge? But there you have it. Short and sweet today. I've decided to keep the babies for a while to make sure they are big enough to introduce to the dangers of Auburn.

What about the Boat-times?

I've had just about the best week a man on earth could possibly hope for. I've laughed my ass off, screamed, danced a little, worked, learned, skipped class, went to some class, traveled, drove a Sea-Doo, acquired new music, met new people, saw my sister, hung out with good friends like Nathan Pauley, I could go on. This is what has made me a believer again in the fact that joy has nothing to do with your circumstances (I’ve been talking about this). This is because; I've had some really low moments this week. I’m not going to get heavy into them. They just have to do with facing my flesh and seeing insecurity come back into areas where I thought it was gone forever. God is taking care of that though, let’s get back to my amazing week:

I caught up with an old girlfriend I had back freshman/sophomore year this past week and it just rocked my world (shout-out to E.G.). And I don't mean it that way... I just love learning from mistakes and moving forward, it’s the most gratifying thing to me. I spent an hour and seven minutes on the phone with her. I think what made it so good is that I was able to think through my attitude in our relationship and see from the outside looking in, what really robbed us of fun and good times back then. Understand, she and I are not right for each other; this is about looking forward, not pointless regrets. Being freed from a twisted attitude just took identifying it and giving it up. Freedom reigns from that old crusty way of thinking, and it feels good.

Semi-related: I’ve faced and conquered some pretty evil thoughts about the more recent past as well. I can be pretty hard on myself. Especially about mistakes that have hurt others. Since I’m a self-centered prideful ass, I tend to also get very worried about how things look to others. I hate that about myself. I fight it, and most of the time successfully. But… If I’m not thinking straight, I can let what others think affect me. The fact is this: I did have to break off an engagement, but that does not reflect the kind of person I am. When I’m weak, I slip into thinking about how bad that looks. I feel like I have to explain the situation to everyone, so that they will understand. This is inexcusable. Now if someone wants to know, I love explaining how I’ve learned from it and the amazing things God has done through it, sure. But, allow me to be raw with you… If you put some kind of judgment on the kind of person I am because I’ve been through that situation, fuck you. Whew, that feels good.

This has just been one of those weeks that, at its conclusion, I have to pause and thank God. Thanks for what You’ve taught me, and thanks for the good times.

Sing the Song Boys, Sing the Song!

My friends will tell you that I can justify pretty much everything that I do or want to do in life. In fact, Dan, a truly good friend to me for many years, put it this way: “Lee, you could murder my mother, and after talking to you, I would actually feel bad for ever being upset and even wonder why I ever questioned you about it.” In light of that, I see how I can talk myself in or out of just about anything. It’s frustrating at times, when I legitimately desire truth and understanding about a decision, though. I’m often worried whether what I’m doing is Christ in me, or am I just making my own justifications. Some might say that it wouldn’t really matter as long as you felt good about what you were doing. But, I’ve learned from Christ that it’s ultimately for my own self-interest that I figure out exactly what God would have me do. It takes faith to believe this, but He actually does have our best interest in mind through every situation He drags us into and out of. I’ve come to understand that He’s never trying to keep us from happiness. His desire for our holiness is completely intertwined with our joy.

Case in point: I’m an extremely sexual human. We might all be, but I definitely have a heightened awareness of the fact. Often, I used to wonder what the big deal was about exploring and enjoying things in your youth…(I mean it’s all in the name of Love?). With the powers that I have described above, I guarantee you that I could convince most people that it would be a positive thing for everybody involved. I mean, really, I could go either way here. I mean, the word of God is extremely clear that we should have no sexual lovers other than our one wife, but why?

Then the revelations of Christ roll into town. Just like in most situations that we try to figure out on our own, Christ proves that He wants much more for us than we are even wanting for ourselves. He knows there’s something crazy that happens when a man and a woman save themselves for the other. In doing so, they will be able to connect in an exclusively intimate way. I believe that it will surpass anything I could ever imagine. I know it will. I relate it to the way you share something special with someone when you discover and always listen to a certain song together. When you think of that song it’s like, aww… Well that, times about eleventy billion.

I see a theme here that, while obvious, I feel the need to point out. In the Christian story, it has always been about suffering, because of the hope you have in something greater. As we know, Christ had every out in the world to avoid His torture and eventual gruesome death, but He chose to go through it because God instilled in Him the hope of something amazing. The world is constantly wooing us into half-ass imitations of what’s really good, or “lovers less wild than Jesus,” if you will… Unfortunately, they will always eventually disappoint us.

Hope along with me, in something greater.

Case of the Mondays...

After 2 dollar pints at Mellow of whatever you like honey, and wing night at any of several fine establishments around the greater Auburn Metropolitan Area, how could anybody be pissed that it's monday?!?! I mean, can I get a what what? Life is just good and there's no denyin' it.

Unstoppable

To start off, I’ve had a shitty week. A one day painting project for a bitchy old lady turned into a five day project plagued with rain and irrational demands, got a superfluous 50 dollar parking ticket today, missed much class to testify against an ex-girlfriend in court, had to drive to Bham, probably bombed a test, all of my friends are out of town, and to top it off: I’ve spent my Friday night cleaning.

I say all that to say: God is good. I mean soooo good.

“I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance, and need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” (cheesy maybe, but it screams truth)

That verse is not about forcing a smile while getting sucker-punched by the world. It’s about having and feeling real joy.

I love how God has beautifully orchestrated this life of mine by chocking it full of my mistakes and His blaring grace. Mistakes, any of which could’ve killed me or scarred me emotionally for the long haul, but they haven’t. I’ve got a track record that proves countless weaknesses that give God all the more glory.

Today, I’m just appreciating how every trial I’ve faced has worked to show my faults. It’s almost as if God has disciplined me as a perfect father would… funny how that works. I mean, He has drug me through some shit! (much like my mortal dad) He’s had no choice?! I’ve walked around on earth thinking I could do something amazing. I can’t describe how it feels to be utterly embarrassed for how weak and cowardly of a man I am, and come into a deeper understanding of how that knowledge makes me unstoppable.

Around the corner from disappointment is always the assurance of something much better. In Africa, I saw how much greater it is to lift Christ up and watch him do the miracles. He lets us be a part of crazy things.

I’ve bloodied my knuckles pursuing women to the point of marriage, worked hard for success in school, tried to be “cool,” I’ve tried to dress cool, work out like a cool guy, talk like a cool guy, done things to improve on my image as a cool guy, made money to fund my cool guy activities, … the list goes on. I still do these things. But at the moment that success in any of these categories is even half-way realized, it’s clear that they will not bring me one step closer to joy. Jim Carrey once said "I wish everyone could experience being rich and famous, so they'd see it wasn't the answer to anything"

It seems that the world can be a huge hamster wheel that just keeps us busy?

Whenever I come off a big failure however, it forces me to reach out to Christ. He assures me that He’s working in me and that nothing is in vain. Let’s face it, I simply don’t believe the gospel. Christ has to constantly prove it to me, so He does. He has done so again tonight.

Praise God.

You Create Something like Inward Singing!

Lately, I’ve heard a lot of negative sentiment about the U.S. presidential election. Whether it’s that John McCain is a flip floppin’ George Bush III, or that Barack Obama is a sketchy muslim, I’m just kind of sick of all the nay saying. I feel like the consensus is this: America is screwed, so it doesn’t matter who the next president is. Oil prices, the war in Iraq, the moral decline of society, the economy as a whole, what have you…

Every generation has its huge issues to conquer. What am I missing here? An old lady I was working for yesterday said, “You don’t understand, because you haven’t lived through the wars and times that I’ve lived through.” I told her that the key words there were: “lived through.” She’s seen some crazy bad times, and she’s seen us always come through? I get this feeling from people that acknowledging the severity of the issues at hand is, for whatever reason, as far as they can go. It’s like, “We’re all F’ed!... What should we eat for lunch?”

If it’s true that we better start growing our own food or investing in solar panels, then why aren’t we? It is literally, not the end of the world! We can look back at something like Apollo 13 and see that those astronauts should not have made it home and it was probably the worst predicament astronauts have ever been in. However, at the time, the people who knew the facts down in mission control didn’t throw their hands up in the air and say, “Well shit, we better call these men’s families in here so they can talk to them one last time, because it’s not lookin’ good.”

I feel like the people of America are being that annoying guy on a team that thinks his sole purpose is to bash every idea proposed and yet, never come up with any alternatives. Sometimes our society seems paralyzed. Pretty soon, the future is going to be the present and the sky is not going to turn black while “the whores come out.” (Our president may, however…) I guess all I’m asking is, please don’t be THAT guy.

Mickey Mouse Watch

If you know me at all, you probably know that I’m a bit of a dork. Especially about things like, physics or space. I’ve tutored people in physics that would tell you I’m an amazing genius. I’m not, but they would say it. I say this only to emphasize the point I’m about to make. I’m in Calculus right now. Calculus One. Not exactly higher-level math. I used to be pretty good at math, after all I almost aced Business Calculus one and two, but it’s been several years since those days. Lately, I barely make it to my 8am class and I’m lost most of the time. I’ve recently made the decision to become a mechanical engineer and I can’t understand Cal I. I mean, it’s embarrassing. This stuff should be a joke to me. I feel like a total fraud.

However, I know that I will learn the Calculus and I know that every class that this curriculum eventually throws at me (differential equations, Cal III, statics, aerodynamics, etc.), I will not only get through, but I will kick ass in. Not because I’m smart, but because I’ve realized something huge today. Could I pass “linear algebraic whatever 4820” right now? NO, but after I get through Cal I, I’ll be able to get through Cal II and then so on… My attitude is this: I’ve got to. I’m blessed beyond absolute belief to be in the position I’m in. I mean extravagantly rich in the eyes of the world. Not only rich enough to eat several meals a day and own a car, but to have professional teachers spoon feed me knowledge every time I show up. I’ll figure out this engineering thing one step at a time. At some point most people just quit. If you don’t quit, you win. It’s that simple. God will provide every single thing that I need every single step of the way. He always has. To fail, one has to make the decision to quit. I think that if people are presented with something they don’t understand they just freak out and it’s that freaking out that makes them fail. Almost like hyper-ventilating makes you pass out. I mean, just chill out and breathe normally, and you would be fine?!?! It’s just like when people are drowning and all their flailing just pulls them deeper in, when they could just calm down and virtually float. If you get overwhelmed, just bite off a little less at a time.

All of these thoughts came from a brief flashback I had today. I think that it will explain why all this self-help/motivational speaker shit is spewing out of me. When I was really young (I’m not good with ages) I had the classic Mickey Mouse watch. You know it, you love it. Those little white, Michael Jackson gloved hands pointing at the hour and the minute… I couldn’t read it. I would beg my dad to explain it to me. Then I begged my mom, and my sisters. I was freakin’ out! I didn’t get it. How could the same numbers mean different things to his different hands and how am I supposed to figure all that out in my head?! I remember crying by myself wondering, “if I can’t tell time, how am I ever gonna be smart enough to do anything else I wanna do in life?!?!?” I was convinced that I might not ever figure it out.

Removed from the situation I can laugh at myself and see how dumb that is. I think that’s what God is doing to us ALL the time.

Experience vs. Success

We learn most when we try and we fail. But, there’s something to be gained over and above just learning. Just like ol’ Teddy says,” It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood…” I’m constantly called to be that man. The trouble is, failing hurts. Sometimes, it even hurts others.

This has much to do about the experience God wants us to have as opposed to the success we strive toward. I’ve learned over and over that following Christ is not about productivity, or how much you feel like you’re “doing for the Kingdom.” It’s about whether you listened to the whisper of God and you obeyed that whisper. After all, we rarely get to see the fruit of our labor when it comes to kingdom work. The reward is always Joy. Pure, indescribable joy in our lives that only comes from Christ.

This also relates to a tidbit God has revealed to me this week about life while reflecting on my past relationships with ladies. My focus has often become fixed on the success (in my eyes) of a relationship. In other words, I strive for the continuation and development of that relationship. I have a tendency to lose touch with the experience. I’ll work until my hands bleed or my body absolutely gives out while striving for this goal. This sounds great at first glance, but I’ve seen that a woman is not a prize to win and a relationship is not something you earn. After all, a relationship that works can only come from God. I mean, I think we all know the challenges of bringing a man and a woman into intimate community with each other. It doesn’t work unless something divine is happening. The truth that I’ve found is this: If our goal is a relationship or even a marriage, we will always be disappointed, because a relationship or a marriage is NOT life giving. Jesus is.

I’m personally trying to release my controlling instincts when it comes to the course of a future relationship and my life in general. I want to be true to myself and allow God to bring me joy as I live to listen and obey Him one step at a time.

"You're lookin' good!"

Before you read this post, take a deep breath and hold on for a minute. While unbelievable, what follows is an actual event. Not even I could make this stuff up.

I walk out of the steam room in my towel in the locker room of my gym here in Auburn. I pick an empty shower, enter it, and shut the curtain behind me. Then, I proceed to take a shower like a normal guy in a shower would(naked at this point, of course). A middle-aged man I had made small talk in the steam room with walks by my shower and asked me if I was going back to the steam room. "No, I've had enough for today," I say over the sound of running water. The same man walks by again, this time he stops... peaks into my shower, says something incomprehensible, then proceeds into my shower and closes the curtain behind him. Looks at me and says, "I don't blame you, I can't concentrate in there with all those good looking guys." "Hmm... is that right?," I say confused and stunned at a portly gentleman that was now in my waters. "Is it ok if I grab a shower with you?," he says enthusiastically while coming at me all wide eyed weird looking. "No," I say. "You sure?," still working his way closer. "No man, I'm gettin' outta here." He then takes a step away from me before he turns around, stares me up and down(still naked) and says, "you're lookin good, man!" I gave him a WHAT THE HELL?!?!? look and he turned again barely holding up the small excuse for a towel that left little for the imagination. Before he opened the curtain back with his only free hand, he turned to look me up and down one more time and again said, "you're lookin' good." All I could think to say was, "You better watch out!," while I pointed toward the exit.

I now need a little more reassurance that I don't come off as someone who wants to be sexed up by a middle-aged man, please.

Boondocks

The show “Boondocks” on Comedy Central is written by some black guys and it’s basically meant to make fun of black guys. I haven’t ever seen it, but I heard about a scene from it just yesterday. Before I describe it, I’d like to say that I believe that it represents something stupid about all of us; it’s just written in a “thug” type of context.

Two guys are listening to music walking down a sidewalk not paying attention to what’s in front of them. They end up bumping shoulders. Instantly feeling the horrific disrespect, they immediately draw their guns and begin to unload their clips of rounds on each other. Well, they run out of ammunition without scratching the other, but both end up running from cops that show up after the gunfire is heard. Ultimately, the cops gun them both down while trying to run away with their empty weapons.

Both hilarious and awful, but here’s the moral of the story if you ask me: Clearly our pride is the source of all evil in world, this we know. But I will see your pride and raise you a “lack of truly believing in yourself.” After all, even if all of us had the biggest pride in the world, it would be no harm to anyone until that pride felt threatened and we felt the need to defend it and prove our worth to the world. I could give you every example in the world of evil and boil it down to a need to prove something to the world around us. I would even say that that need for proving is created within ourselves and could even be translated into: Proving something to ourselves, because we don’t truly believe that we are worthy. Put that in your pipe and smoke it motha licka!

Time to go all Sunday school on your asses: Recently, I’ve learned that when Peter walked out on the water to Jesus and began to sink, Jesus was pissed that he doubted himself and started sinking. Not that Peter doubted Jesus; after all, when he started sinking he knew he could count on Jesus to save him. He just doubted that he could really walk on water like Jesus did. Jesus did not doubt Peter. Believing in the power that Christ gives us seems to give that power authority in the physical world.

What would we accomplish if we redirected the energy we put into proving ourselves and pressed forward with all confidence knowing the power we already have?

Romans 8:37

Reset

I've found that God likes to start over. And I'm not just talking about the flood here. My understanding about how He effects our life goes like this... He rips out our heart, then He replaces it with a new one. This is in stark contrast to the idea that He somehow "adjusts" our heart or "tweaks" it. Takes out the bad and puts in some good. No. It's like you have a broken heart and He can't even work with it, so He gives you a brand new one.

Of course, I'm referring to the point where someone accepts Christ as his/her Lord and Savior. However, I've found that this concept is true in a lot of areas of my life. The hard part is this: He's gotta destroy things completely before He can replace them with something new. Much like in the intense scene of "The Passion of the Christ" that Jesus drags the huge cross on his back in the blistering sun. He's barely making any progress down the road. Lash wounds, dirt, and blood were literally covering his entire body. One of the times he trips and falls under the weight of the cross, He looks to his mother through his blood-filled eye sockets and says, "Look mom, I make all things new."

That lands on me like nothing else that you see in that film. Yes, He's beaten, bruised, ripped, crushed, spit on, etc... But the moment you realize that it's necessary is when it all comes together. It wasn't in vain. When I realize that something that may be tough in my life is necessary I'm renewed in my strength.

One more analogy and I'll leave you alone. Kevin Beasley(Leader of Converge Auburn) told me in reference to some struggles I've gone through in the past year this: You can look over the edge of a cliff and see somewhere down there that you know you need to be and you could be right, but you can't go straight there. You'd break every bone in your body and die. God knows the path around the mountain and down the hill. Often we look at it as the long way around, but God happens to know that it's the only way. I see a ton of things in my life more clearly through this revelation.
Romans 8:28

A lot can happen in a year.

Today is the one year anniversary of the day I boarded a 747 on the way to Kenya. In blogs to come I will explain some of the things I learned in Kenya, but for today let’s just recap for a moment:

Flew to Africa

Spent a month in one of the largest slums in the world: Kibera

Spent a month in a small village in Kenya called, “Eburu”

Came home to Auburn

Interviewed for post-college jobs

Worked at Chick-fil-a making sandwiches

Worked at Wal-Mart DC as a slave to the Man

Purchased an engagement ring

Went to school for two full semesters

Set a date to be married

Proposed and became engaged

Went through pre-marital counseling

Did some wedding planning

Canceled the wedding date

Became a first-time buyer of a new vehicle

Started a pseudo-photography business

Put on a photography exhibit at Auburn City Fest

Graduated college with a double major

Re-enrolled in Auburn as an Engineering student

Broke up with my fiancé

Got sued for a traffic incident in Canada that happened three years ago

Started a Painting business desperately trying to pay for school

Decided to blog about my life.

Damn.

But, today, I realized something. If the sequence of events that have unfolded over the past year did nothing but work to highlight some of my weaknesses and give me a huge dose of humility, then praise the Lord. He is Faithful. I couldn't be more grateful for what He has taught me in a year.

You might not wanna read this...

Every time I think about writing a new post, I think nahhh... People don't give a crap about that. I don't wanna waste your time, after all. My five years in Lowder may have had some effect on my brain concentrating on what's going to sell. So, that leads to a month or so with one blog post chillin' on my amazing blog. I mean, it's just one dumb story? Well, more of that is to come, I assure you. However, I'm about to take a huge risk in my estimation. I'm going to post stuff that I believe no one would care about. Because here's the deal, blogs are free. You're not paying me anything to type these thoughts I have and you don't have to read them. Let's be honest, this blog is mostly for me. I'm hoping to think through some things here and come to some conclusions about my life and thus, life in general. I'm only 22, but no one could deny that I've lived some life and I've got some thoughts, so what's to come will be a mixture of memories and recent experiences.

Good day to you.

"Arty Laz"

"Hey, I've got a GPS now, let's take a new route to the beach"

That would be the statement that changed lives my freshman year at Auburn. On Spring Break, a few of my closest friends and I were headed down a beautiful two lane charting our own course to the sunny beaches that promised good times and a break from the classroom routine we had all settled into. With our buddies already waiting for us in Destin, we were in no hurry. Jamming out to some Steve Miller, our only goal was to eventually reach the ocean when the driver and I both spotted an old man on the side of the road propped up against his 60's red Ford Truck. As we passed him I immediately turned to the driver and saw that he was already turned to me with the same enthusiastic grin on his face. We had seen the man, we had seen the truck, we had seen the torn overalls, and most importantly, we had seen his thumb. "We have got to get that guy!" we both screamed together like some gitty twin brothers. And that started the freaking out process of excitement that multiplied once the 4runner we were in, did a 180.

"Arthur," he said, as well as a man could with no teeth.

"Get in!" we all exclaimed having no doubt what God had called us to do on this deserted country road. After he licked his fingers, put out his cigarillo, and stuffed it into his shirt pocket, we were off. After determining that he was the "mechanic'n" type of mechanic, we were out of questions for the unbelievably dirty yet, somehow adorable old man. A few minutes of awkward silence down the road, and the driver(Riley Blair) spoke up. "Arthur, you look like a man with some stories to tell, you've probably fought in some wars, had some kids, and who knows what else?..." We agreed that if he told us a story, that we would take him where ever he needed to be.

"I got a story, but you ain't gon' believe it." is what we finally heard the fourth time we made him repeat himself. I quickly became the translator of his words for everyone else after this, but in the meantime we all knew what we were in for, and we were in heaven! The following is a paraphrase of what we all interpreted from his bitter beer face for the next twenty minutes:

"A couple years ago, I had me a heart attack. So, they took me down to Castlebury Medical Clinic. When I was being operated on, after another heart attack, they pronounced me dead on the table."

(We're freakin' out and lovin' it! at this point)

"Then they took me down to the morgue and put me in a metal drawer with an ice blanket to keep me from stinkin'"

(The freakout intensifies)

"Eight hours later, a morgue worker walks by and I sit up to ask her for a cup of coffee. To this day she's never come back to work."

...(chins dropped scraping the old country road for atleast a full minute of silence)

"I toldya you ain't gon' believe it."

It would all be just another crazy story from just another crazy old guy until what happens next.... We arrive at his cousin's house, and I ran to the door of the trailer still in shock from what I had heard. When a 30 something woman came out I immediately started asking her, "Your cousin Arthur told us a story about..." She cut me off and said, "About being in the morgue for over eight hours?... It's all true. Crazy, but true."